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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Sex Ed: The Painful Penis

By Jim Larkins

We spend a great deal of time deriving intense pleasure from our penises. But if we’re not careful, this orgasmic organ can also become the source of severe pain. Even the simplest of sexual maladies can result in a painful examination.

Chlamydia is a common STD, with symptoms consisting of a painful, burning sensation while urinating, a milky discharge from the penis and possibly swollen or tender testicles.

If your phallic fun leads you to contract Chlamydia, you can expect your physician to inspect the area by inserting a rod with a tiny cotton swab into the opening of the urethra in order to extract a fluid sample for diagnosis. Don’t let the tiny part fool you though—it feels neither tiny nor painless when inserted.

Another device, which is used to expand the inner diameter of the urethra and locate troublesome obstacles, is the “urethral sound.” This helpful but unwanted tool of penile penetration is a remnant of an earlier era in medical history. Prior to the creation of penicillin, gonorrhea was difficult to cure and often left behind unattractive scar tissues, which in turn formed “strictures” in the urethra. Since this caused difficulty in urination, the sound was invented to allow normal flow of urine through the urethra.

By far the most painful of phallic woes originates in the kidneys. Those unfortunate fellows, who have tales to tell of passing kidney stones, do so with a grim expression. The brutal process consists of releasing the stone during urination, and has been compared to the pain of childbirth. Preventive measures include drinking more citrate-rich fluids such as lemonade and orange juice, limiting calcium intake to 1,000-1,200 mg per day and limiting sodium to 2,300 mg per day.

Yet another incidence of erectile agony occurs when we least expect it. Many a man has gone from an erotic ride to an ambulance ride as a result of an attempted penetration gone wrong. Your penis consists of tissue that, when erect, can suffer an extreme bend. Some victims of this mishap claim to have actually heard a loud pop, followed by excruciating pain. 

Interestingly, most all of these phallic health hazards can be avoided with minor preventative measures. Using prophylactics are an obvious measure against contracting any disease that might result in an undesirable examination. Kidney stones are a scourge of man brought on by poor choices in diet—prevention can be as simple as drinking more water and less sodas.

As for sexual accidents, keeping a clear head can prove to be an invaluable safety measure. While alcohol can be a tool for reducing inhibitions, it can also impair judgment—and twisting your penile piston can be a very sobering experience.  

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